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Friday, August 30, 2013

When is ENOUGH is ENOUGH

What happens when enough is enough

I just shared an article about a young man name Lee Thompson that “tmz.com” reported that Thompson committed suicide at the age of 29. http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/report-jett-jackson-actor-lee-thompson-young-dead-at-29. The comments I have read on other post: “How can someone do this to themself?”
 
This is a very difficult subject to talk about but this is real life and happening more and more on a daily bases. I can tell you I am about to be very open and honest with you all in hopes that maybe this can open your eyes to someone going through hard times.

Well when enough is enough..  It is possible that you get to the point of no return. I know sadly.. I have almost got to that point. I have to tell you, you just don’t get to this point over night. It takes to a few bad things to get you to this point speaking from experiences.

So this is it.. I have been on my own since the age of 18 years old.. for a moment I was pregnant and homeless confused scared and unsure of what would happen next.. Then I was in a relationship that was not the healthiest or happiness with a child I felt I was trapped in with no way out.. Then I was in a marriage that hit a hard and devastating point trying to living off of pennies for months making it work.. Then to have my husband choose another woman and no longer want to be in a relationship with me.. I had to move… after leaving and moving in with a friend.. I was not able to pay any rent and I had to move again.. My car was breaking down on a regular... I had isolated myself to commit myself to my husband and family.. The friends I thought I had was having convo behind my back judging me off my facebook post.. so I no longer had a close friends (my own fault) to help me though this heart break no one to cry to (I felt like I couldn’t explain what I was going thru without being judge).. I had a few friends call and check on me but no one knew how serious it got… I told them I was okay and making it though, it was a phone convo you can lie they can’t see you or your pain.. I was smiling and pushing through on a daily in public, but crying and falling apart in the dark, but even in public mentally I wasn’t there I would break down in crying spells over songs that came on the radio. One night it got bad ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH I was over it.. I wanted the pain to stop the headaches to end…  I couldn’t take anymore I felt that I would be happier gone and my son would be better off without me.. I had been told that I was failure, a nobody, I had no drive and no future… and at this moment I was starting to believe it..  I had no plan on what to do.. I just knew it had to be done!!  I just laid there crying my eyes out.. my son woke up.. lifts my head .. all of 12 years old and says, “mom we’ve been though worst, you’re the strongest woman I know. You can do this! And I will never leave you. I will always love you.” He wiped my face and we laid there together on a little twin bed. I realized what was I thinking!! What was I doing, my everything was not lost.. my world didn’t end.. I was laying with it right now.. I couldn’t give up.. I wouldn’t..

But if I didn’t have my little love bug shaking me up. Who know how my story would have played out.. If I did end it all it would have been a mystery to all… people would have said,

“What could have been so bad?” “But she seemed so happy all the time” “But every time I talked to her she said she was fine.” “When I talked to her I told her she was stronger than this and god doesn’t give you more than you can handle”

Sometimes it’s just not enough if you know someone is hurting don’t casting them off with a few quotes and hope that helps, cause sometimes people need more than that.. Or say they being dramatic.. Cause sometimes it’s a call for HELP!!  They need to get out their own mind and thoughts... The power of OVER THINKING… You can take something... for example (no money to pay a house bill, you can over think it to the point where you are homeless) I have that BAD I do it all the time.. something I’m working on..  Sometimes people just need to tell their story without judgment, but to afraid to talk to someone..  But they need to explain how hurt they are.. They need a hug… they need therapy…. They need something…  

But personal ya'll I needed to remember that it will get better.. one day.. I have been pushed down more than I've been helped up.. but I have someone in my corner that will always be there.. And I can get sad, worried or stressed.. But I will try not to let it get to the point of no return.. and I will not stay there long than I need to..

Hi I am a worrier with a heart issues.. I have recognized my issue and I will do my best to work on it day by day..

Think about the good and try not to think about the bad..

Thanks for reading..

Until I write again, or until you read again

Kisses and Misses