The Love of MY LIFE

Well in a previous blog I told you I would tell you more about my BEST FRIEND, COUSIN, Self appointed SISTER, Charo... Well here it goes

Night out

Charo is my cousin but since I had my son she has been more like a sister to me, I have always been close with my dad sisters' family.. But when my mom moved to Oklahoma after my dad die, and I chose to stay here in Vegas and I moved with my cousin Ty (my other self appointed sister) I did her bad and she put me out and I moved with Charo.. Again I was being lazy not wanting to work and she put me out too.. after floating around for a year and having a baby I changed still had a attitude but I was older more responsible a mom.

My cousin helped me find and keep a job with her for 4 years at one company and 2 at the next and over that five years together we became BEST FRIEND.

WAY passed her bed time

Now after 12 years since I chose to stand alone in a small big city.. She is my sister and I love her with all my heart, I don't know what I would do with out her. She has taught me what it means to be a woman, a mom. Soft spoken, and straight hood when the situation calls for it.. I can say this woman is my role mole WHEN I grow up I wanna be just like her.. She is smart talented a great mom, a wonderful daughter. She has the biggest heart and I'm so happy she put me in and she never plans on taking me out... we get mad she makes me cry. I ignore her, I hate her but at the end of the day... all is forgiven and we are always OK. When I'm at my happiest she joins in and she is just as happy as me.. Never judge never jealous, Never negative. When I'm at my lowest and broken.. She finds away to pull me up and out of it.. She loves me.. She makes me happy just like family should.

Life hit her hard after she had her first son, and she never showed the hurt she was strong and positive and made the best of a bad situation and still wore that beautiful smile she has. She has nothing sometimes and still finds away to give to my family and I and won't take no for an answer..  That's why I look up to her. We have so many funny, crazy, scary stories, and I could go on and on and on about my cousin...

But I'm just ended with a true friend is your friend in good times bad times ups and downs... I can scream.. I HATE YOU AND NEVER WANNA TALK TO YOU AGAIN HEFFA YOUR DEAD TO ME... and call her five minutes later asking what you doing.. and slip in a I was tripping in there and all is well.. because she knows me and I know her, and she is my LOVE.. She never leaves me and I will never leave her... I am truly bless to have this AMAZING woman in my family as well as my life.. :)

Until I write again, Until you read again
Kisses and Misses

Question??!!

So I have been reading blogs and my mind IS RACING!!! So I have the BIGGEST QUESTION!!! Why be in a relationship with someone if you write about being alone? 

This is the thing LADIES and GENTS, you are in a relationship to share your life with another person. If you are feeling alone, then I'm thinking your not in a relationship worth being in. Sharing you life with another person gives you a new life to be apart of.. Even if you are miles apart at times you should still feel full, loved, and as one. That's the point of being in a relationship. 

I would rather be alone with my DAMN self than alone with someone else. You have to pick your happiness or your sadness.. We go there life so afraid of change afraid to move on.. STUCK IN AN ENDLESS rut. 

I'm sure your going to say that its easy for me to say because I'm not alone... Trust me if my husband didn't make me feel like I was surround by a million of him every moment.. And I felt abandon and alone.. I wouldn't stay or I would be trying to find away we can get back on track. Because not only is that not good for me its not good for our kids. 

Children feel tension before we even know that it is there.. You can whisper a fight. but a child will still know that the love is not in the air at the moment your fighting. That's the thing, people think that when a relationship is damage a child's love can fix it.. UNTRUE!!! Now you have a child and one of you still can't stand the other one. STUPID!!

Well I just have to say I need you to value yourself and think about it... If living in a comfortable situation and being unhappy is better than moving on and leaving yourself open to find a BETTER situation..then YOUR CRAZY...

OK I'm climb off my soap box... :)

LIVE LOVE AND BE HAPPY

Until I write again, Until you read again

Kisses and Misses

Wow what a shocker...

After watching this Video it made me think.. Like I have thought about what roads I take how will they affect me in the long run... But honestly I never thought about the ways they will affect my son as he grows.. Just thinking about what if I woulda.. I have always been happy I choose my husband instead of living my life the way I was prior to meeting him.. I was alone and scared to move on. Just my kid and me trying to make in this BIG ol' world. 

People tend to put there own needs first I've never been that type of person. I've always put others first and me last. And finial I met I man that wouldn't allow me to do that. He wants me to think of myself and other. "I can't make anyone happy if I'm unhappy". WORD lol.. So thinking about my choice to be with what ended up being my soul mate was the best decision for my son and I. He's SUCH a little man. He has some AMAZING role models in his life now. He wants to be someone that I always knew he could and would be. If someone ask him what he wants to be when he grows up.. He has more to say then the "Basketball Player" ... He says "I'm not sure yet.. I haven't narrowed it down" lol.. 

Life is the Greatest teacher and I have been Taught a MILLION lessons over the past 30 years and Life isn't done with me yet. 

You truly have to open your eyes and your ears, you never know when God has a message for you.... And they come in different shapes and forms.

Until I write again, Until you read again

Kisses and Misses

That lucky NUMBER 13....

I have already told you that NUMBER 13 is my lucky number because so many wonderful people in life was born on that day... My son is one of those WONDERFUL people..

My Birthday Boy

Today my son turned 11 years old!! I'm happy and sad its bitter and sweet.. But its time I allow him to grow up, and change into the man that God wants him to be..



My son and I have a unique story... We have made it through the storm forever change and for the better.. I was a young parent... 20 years old when I had my son and at the time total over whelmed not sure what a mom should do, and not sure if I even wanted to be a "mom"



I was alone in Vegas with no where to stay running around from place to place job to job.. No real choice... living off others and just hoping life fixed its self... Going back and forth with my Ex boyfriend I ended up pregnant.. Now I'm homeless and pregnant.. WHAT THE HELL NOW... is all I could think... Some one helped me find an apartment and final I had my own spot with out a lick of furniture just a radio and a air mattress and my 8 month baby baking in my oven.. It was rough but honestly my child save me... People say you have to love a child a child doesn't know what love is... I can tell you that I believe that to be untrue.. My son LOVED me from the day I brought him home.. I wasn't for sure about the baby thing.. didn't want to hold him or lay with him the first few days.. and some how he would end up right under me.. when I would cry and try to think why I got my self in this mess he would look at me and smile.. I knew I really didn't feel so much love until I held him and after about day 3 we have been locked together everyday since then!!! I couldn't imagine my life with out him..

He is my little man.. He's never been a kid kid, always a small adult I grew him up fast but that's life for you and I don't regret it.. I have and amazing kid because of it...

Son, I thank you for being the best kid a mother could ask for and I pray you continue to make me proud and grow into a wonderful MAN!!  Son, you have made me into a better woman, you have taught me so much and I continue to learn from you.. You have always kept me safe and had my back!! I love you SOOOOO much...

5th grade grad

his photo shoot.. he made take a pic



my grad and he was so proud of me







My lovee!!




My baby




At the park




a new year with my love



actin silly

US

Thanks for reading...

Until I write again, Until you read again,
Kisses and Misses

Man Oh Man This HAIR!!! Grrrr....

I'm super sick of my hair!!

I have not wore my REAL hair since high school.. Maybe a couple times after high school but this EVERY day thang, yes thang is killing me SHEESH!!!  I had so many hair styles...

braids

Curls

Soft curl

Long and wavy

Ponytail

Flip

short and sassy

Wet and short

same

CURLY and LONG loved it

A longer A line cut..

I have had so many hair styles over the years.. I'm new to the girly girl thing... I have always had to do everything rushed and quick when I was single and had my son and a job, so clipping on a ponytail and hiding my hair in a bun underneath it simple and easy..Just like I like it..  and then after getting married I still didn't know how to do my hair and didn't want to do my hair so I got it style by someone else every week to two weeks.. unless I had braids or twist...

And now with cutting back on things... I choose to keep my gym membership and lose the extra stuff.. Nail, pedi, eyebrows, HAIR... I have to suffer with combing and styling my hair every morning.. I'm getting better than I was at the beginning.. Its actually in a nice little hair cut.. and I love the look on me.. Its just harder than going to the beauty salon sitting in a seat and letting the pampering start.. :)

My hubby loves my hair he hate the "Fake" hair that I used to wear in my hair.. So that's one plus... it makes him happier.. Its just alot of hard work, but the good things DON'T ALWAYS come easy.. :)

So I guess just like everything else you have to weigh the pros and cons..

PROS:

1. It saves A LOTTA money
2. Hubby loves it
3. No more itchy head that can't be scratched
4. I look younger
5. Easy come back after a gym work out
6. No longer will I worry about fitting into any ones schedule
7. I can go swimming

CONS

1. I have to do my hair every morning
2. I don't have the long sexy hair look
3. I can't change my hair looks
4. No one else washing and combing my hair
5. My hair was so full with the "Fake Hair"
6. Hubby hated it
7. I look younger
8. Can't get it wet (some times)

So it looks like Pros win.. LOL

I'll get use to it.. I have to anyways..

The me I must get us to

Like India Arie says...

I am not my hair

I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I ma not this skin
I am a soul that lives within

Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend? 
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?
I am expressing my creativity..

Thanks for reading..

Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses

Finally AWAKE!!!

I believe I'm finally awake... I have been trapped in my own UNNECESSARY nightmare that I created for myself.. I previously said that I wanted to start this blog to find the OLD me and I think she was never lost she was here all along..

I was just walking about in "remember when land" and not excepting that this is the NOW, and I need to learn to deal with, except and appreciate the NOW..  I realize that this is not the nightmare constantly comparing my life to the way it was to the way it is was the nightmare.... Things are different and money is tight and life is a lot hard than it use to be.. But I'm happy with my little family, my husband and are closer than we ever was.. He loves his job..
So I have to focus on the positive instead of the negative, Focus on what I have and not what I lost.. So I'm back in the gym no longer praying for a way to find my way back.. I'm smiling more.. and spend more time with my oldest son.. getting a little more sleep.. I can say that I am BACK to the old me hands down.. Now I just need to stay here...


Until I write again, Until you read again,
Kisses and Misses

LUCKY NUMBER 13

Lucky number 13, I think that 13 has to be my lucky number, because I have so many wonderful people in my life that has a birthday on the 13th well today I want to tell you about one of those WONDERFUL people...

My Self appointed God sister Roshaunda Marks, is celebrating her 30th birthday today and I am so over joyed... She has be teasing me since I turned 30 in January.. I have to tell you this girl is a FRIEND, BEST friend, we have been through it all... I met Roshaunda when I moved in to Silver Ridge Apt. I was about 12 years old I believe... I had no friends and was afraid to try and make some.. She became my friend and her family became my own.. Then the worst of the worst we moved and I thought I lost my friend... We wrote letter and talked on the phone and I came over when ever my parents would let me.. Then the most amazing thing we called to tell each other about what High School we were going to be attending and found out that we would be going to the same one!!!!!! I was so happy but afraid that things would be different weird... we both had different friends and different lives no longer completely tied to each other like when we were in "The Apartments", it was a little hard the first few years in high school we talked and laugh and was still friends but not the best of friends like before.. But the winter of my 11th grade year my life turned upside down and I lost a piece of my heart and a little of my mind...

My father passed away.. and the day I called to tell her of my horrible news she stayed on the phone with me so much  through out all that it should have been glued to her... the day of my fathers funeral.. She didn't leave my side she stayed with me so late that night I knew that this was my best best best friend, apart of my family, my sister.. after that day I didn't think of her as a friend any more.. we were back like glue.. I was a bit different after my father died, I had a different attitude.. I met a guy and made a lot of bad choices and she never judge me or my choice just supported me and guide me into a better direction and I did the same with her.. When I had my son she was my GREAT support system I was scared and worried and she helped me through it.. All the good the bad and the Ugly she was there..

In 2000 I made the WORST MISTAKE a friend could make and I let my friend down once in our friendship and still to this day I beat myself up for not going to her Grandmothers funeral a woman that I loved and she love me.. the day I walked in her house for the first time.. She said, "So this is Nikki.. Get over here and give me a hug", and I melted. I'm not going to throw out a whole bunch of excuse or reasons why I didn't go, cause I should have put all my BS on the back burner and my friend and her mom front and center, but I know she knew that I truly and honestly didn't want to hurt her or let her down and she forgave me.. and loved me like she always did.. not a little less or different, she just forgave me and didn't hold it over my head she never mentioned it.. We didn't miss a beat in the heart of our friendship..  I absolutely without a doubt in my mind love this woman and couldn't image a day with out her in my life or my sons.. 

Well I just wanted to share a piece the story of my wonderful God sister, the impact that she has left on my life.. She has the brightest and prettiest smile, and the biggest warmest heart, just an amazing person..

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY ROSHAUNDA AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH MANY MANY MORE..

Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses