Finally AWAKE!!!

I believe I'm finally awake... I have been trapped in my own UNNECESSARY nightmare that I created for myself.. I previously said that I wanted to start this blog to find the OLD me and I think she was never lost she was here all along..

I was just walking about in "remember when land" and not excepting that this is the NOW, and I need to learn to deal with, except and appreciate the NOW..  I realize that this is not the nightmare constantly comparing my life to the way it was to the way it is was the nightmare.... Things are different and money is tight and life is a lot hard than it use to be.. But I'm happy with my little family, my husband and are closer than we ever was.. He loves his job..
So I have to focus on the positive instead of the negative, Focus on what I have and not what I lost.. So I'm back in the gym no longer praying for a way to find my way back.. I'm smiling more.. and spend more time with my oldest son.. getting a little more sleep.. I can say that I am BACK to the old me hands down.. Now I just need to stay here...


Until I write again, Until you read again,
Kisses and Misses

LUCKY NUMBER 13

Lucky number 13, I think that 13 has to be my lucky number, because I have so many wonderful people in my life that has a birthday on the 13th well today I want to tell you about one of those WONDERFUL people...

My Self appointed God sister Roshaunda Marks, is celebrating her 30th birthday today and I am so over joyed... She has be teasing me since I turned 30 in January.. I have to tell you this girl is a FRIEND, BEST friend, we have been through it all... I met Roshaunda when I moved in to Silver Ridge Apt. I was about 12 years old I believe... I had no friends and was afraid to try and make some.. She became my friend and her family became my own.. Then the worst of the worst we moved and I thought I lost my friend... We wrote letter and talked on the phone and I came over when ever my parents would let me.. Then the most amazing thing we called to tell each other about what High School we were going to be attending and found out that we would be going to the same one!!!!!! I was so happy but afraid that things would be different weird... we both had different friends and different lives no longer completely tied to each other like when we were in "The Apartments", it was a little hard the first few years in high school we talked and laugh and was still friends but not the best of friends like before.. But the winter of my 11th grade year my life turned upside down and I lost a piece of my heart and a little of my mind...

My father passed away.. and the day I called to tell her of my horrible news she stayed on the phone with me so much  through out all that it should have been glued to her... the day of my fathers funeral.. She didn't leave my side she stayed with me so late that night I knew that this was my best best best friend, apart of my family, my sister.. after that day I didn't think of her as a friend any more.. we were back like glue.. I was a bit different after my father died, I had a different attitude.. I met a guy and made a lot of bad choices and she never judge me or my choice just supported me and guide me into a better direction and I did the same with her.. When I had my son she was my GREAT support system I was scared and worried and she helped me through it.. All the good the bad and the Ugly she was there..

In 2000 I made the WORST MISTAKE a friend could make and I let my friend down once in our friendship and still to this day I beat myself up for not going to her Grandmothers funeral a woman that I loved and she love me.. the day I walked in her house for the first time.. She said, "So this is Nikki.. Get over here and give me a hug", and I melted. I'm not going to throw out a whole bunch of excuse or reasons why I didn't go, cause I should have put all my BS on the back burner and my friend and her mom front and center, but I know she knew that I truly and honestly didn't want to hurt her or let her down and she forgave me.. and loved me like she always did.. not a little less or different, she just forgave me and didn't hold it over my head she never mentioned it.. We didn't miss a beat in the heart of our friendship..  I absolutely without a doubt in my mind love this woman and couldn't image a day with out her in my life or my sons.. 

Well I just wanted to share a piece the story of my wonderful God sister, the impact that she has left on my life.. She has the brightest and prettiest smile, and the biggest warmest heart, just an amazing person..

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY ROSHAUNDA AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH MANY MANY MORE..

Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses

Ebony's "50" finest...

Good afternoon all!!!

After hearing all the hype about the new cover of Ebony Mag.. I couldn't wait to see it, after checking it out I wasn't all that blown away... Some of the 50 finest that were included I was surprised they made the cut.. Tarajis' cover is very pretty soft make up in all white.. The DRESS it hot!!! WOWzer.. Her hair umm it was ok.. Its better inside the magazine... But this is the second Collector's edition Taraji has been on the cover of!! WOOT WOOT.. Go girl..  I'm confused on why the two of them where even picked.. it the first place?? Like a Baby Boy tribute?? I really don't even like that dang movie!! I watch it once and that was WAY more than enough!! LOL

 I honestly don't understand the Boyz N The Hood exclusive.. But what can I say its entertainment to some one right.. SMH

Well I won't spoil it for you and tell you the 50 finest just check it and let me know what you thought.. :)

As far as Tyreses' cover.. I didn't care for it that much but I'm not a fan of the chocolate boys looks... But that just little ol' me.. LMAO!! Women speak about him being so sexy and all this I just don't see it, the sexiest I have seen this man was in the video Signs of Love Making.. That was a hot video and he did look GREAT in that... but there is a pic inside the magazine of the two of them together and it is something STEAMY!!

But My Favorite collector's edition is still President Barack Obama GOLD LABEL!!

Well Thanks for READING!!! Please Take a moment and FOLLOW, OR COMMENT..

Until you read again, Until I write again,

Kisses and Misses

What is BEAUTY in 2011?

Hello Readers!!! Happy Tuesday!!!

What the heck is this word "BEAUTY"? Well Honestly I don't know now a days..Beauty is a characteristic of a person that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction... HUH?? Lol.. Well it all depends on your view point of what is consider beauty in your culture..

In 2011 beauty is what you see on TV and or magazines... Beauty presents a standard of comparison, and it can cause resentment and dissatisfaction when not achieved.. So when you're looking in the mirror and all you can hear and read it that you need to lose weight, you should be taller, you need to cake on ton of make up that your skin isn't light enough, or dark enough.. that your beauty is not beautiful..

The youth is not the only one FALLING into the trap of the FASHION BARBIE DOLL world.. Plastic surgery a go go..

Its so sad that I can say I don't have time to focus on the "Old Dogs" cause we can not learn new tricks.. LOL, But the thing is when you're in the mirror looking a complain about this and that.. or you're on the phone complain about this and that.. make sure you don't have a little person around you..

Since we can't change the way we think, maybe we can work on the way our youth is thinking.. be more positive.. don't let the magazine and TV shows and music videos tell your kids what's beautiful..

Icarly and A.N.T Farm is what kids are watching.. Thin little girls, tall or with long hair... The show my wife and kids has 3 kids when the show first started it had 2 dark skinned kids and 1 light skinned, and then the next season the dark skinned girl was gone and was replaced with a light skinned one...

UMMMM why?

My niece/cousin is 5 years old an is attend summer school at West Prep.. She is bright skinned with good hair very pretty... and was told that she was ugly by a little girl in her class.. now thinking why would this little girl call her ugly? I'm sure we all know why.. but its sad..

Danielle

Well I was viewing my news feeds and saw a picture of a friend, Danielle and the first thing came to mind, "this is beauty" No caked on make up real beauty... should be on a magazine.. A person that has a real God given glow... Not a fake sprayed on glow...

You know they say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...



Media wants beauty to be what they tell you it is... we have to be stronger happier... if you want to make a change make it for you not for any one else.. to look like or be like any one... 

Ok,Ok... I'll hop off my soap box... But I believe beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and long hair short hair... 

Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses

"Planking" and Slavery

So This planking "fade" has sparked my curiosity... A facebook friend posted... "For the Plankers do u know where it started??? A Slavery boat!!Plz stop it" I had no idea what it was until  5 likes and 15 comments later.. I was googling and in search of some more answers... Pictures and more articles... Some of the comments were... "That's cause they don't pay attention to history , only the latest laugh.." reply to that "Right, ignorant!! Bet someone's great great great grama wouldn't find it funny" reply to that.. I seen sum where on here say the slavery planking is face up! Like what's the freaking difference dumbas**!! It's all still so disrespectful" and then a few comments later.. "It shows a total disrespect to Black Americans and our 400+ years of slavery..." So now I was hecka interested in what this was all about...

So after looking around I found so info some pictures and it read that slaves were chained and attached to "plank" beds and "plank" borders. There were unwilling made to lie face down with their by their side chained to there waist. Some were stacked on top of each other there was no room for movement. They were unable to use the bathroom so they were exposed to each others bodily fluids, and other things.. Alot of slaves did not survive, many died from dehydration, disease, and suffocation..

Its so sad that "MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO" all I keep hearing is that I saw and it and thought it was cool and wanted to do, or celebrities are doing it, so I wanted to do it... OMG get a brain YOU DAMN SHEEPS.. either way it looks stupid...

Any ways "planking" isn't the name that the slave mastery gave it, it was called tight packing, but it is what it is.. I can't say that this Fad is related to slavery,at all but people should just remember that cultural sensitivity is very real and this can be an insult to some, not all.. not me.. IDC either way if you want to lay flat across the mail box or a counter top do you.. LOL

“A plank collar is used on slave benches. It is a heavy wooden plank with five semicircular openings, when the plank is lifted it provides holding collars for five slaves. The plank is then chained down. The primary holding arrangement for women on the benches, however, is not chains. Each place on the bench is fitted with ankle and wrist stocks, and for each bench there is a plank collar, a plank which opens horizontally, each half of which contains five matching, semicircular openings, which, when it is set on pinions, closed, and chained in place, provides five sturdy, wooden enclosures for the throats of women. The plank is thick and thus the girls chins are held high. The plank is further reinforced between each girl with a narrowly curved iron band, the open ends of which are pierced; this is slid tight in its slots, in its metal retainers, about the boards, and secured in place with a four-inch metal pin, which may or may not be locked in place.” -The Black Urban Times.

Well I did learn more about my history at least.. and that's all that MATTERS.. :)

Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses

Follow, Comment

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Please take the time and follow/ and or comment on my blog...

Thanks
Kisses and Misses

Career vs Job

The Million dollar question... What is the difference between a JOB and a CAREER???

When I was attending school to get my MA certification.. All I heard the ENTIRE time is that I am building my career and once enter the field and start working as a MA I will no longer have a JOB that this would be in my new career.. Well while I was doing my externship I felt that it was a JOB and all the women that were in the position I was training for acted as if it was a job.. and not this "career" I heard so much about in school... So after my externship I was offered a position at this Doctors office.. and against my better judgement I excepted the position... at the time I did it only for the insurance and shopping money cause my husband's job took care of all the bills and then some... but his insurance wasn't good at all... But back to the matter at hand. So after taking the JOB... Step two to building my new "career".. I thought, "OK it's just the people here I'm a different person.. and I will make the best out of this and be happy with my new career move" So about to weeks in to the position I learn that it was just like any other JOB, over worked under pay and not appreciated for all my hard work...

The definition of JOB is : A piece of work, especially a specific task done as part of the routine of one's occupation or for and agreed price. or A person is expected or obliged to do; duty; responsibility.

Just the definition of the word JOB sounds bad.. Doesn't sound like anything I would want to do.. But as the definition states your expected and or obliged to do it.. so its not a want or need its a must...


The definition of CAREER is: An occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework or A person's progress or general course of action through life or through a phase of life, as in some profession or undertaking.

So that definition sounds a tad bit better but it sounds about the same..

So if your in a JOB that has growth and room for advancement and its something you enjoy.. You can start out scrubbing toilets but if you're in it for the long run.. and you enjoy it.. you can make a career out of it... Start with scrubbing the toilets then move on to night lead of that department, then on to manager then Supervisor.. and look at you enjoying your career...

But most of us will work until we are at the age of retirement and retire from our JOB in the same position that we were hired in with that yearly increase of a quarter of fifty cents... and then have to work a part time job to live... So admire your elders of this day and age because as the years come we won't be driving the Porse and Cadillacs, other nice cars they have worked all these years to get... our social security won't pay us out anything.. and we might not be able to retire until we're 90 years old...

So I leave it to you.... What is the difference between JOB and Career??

Until I write again, Until you read again,
Kisses and Misses

4th Of July

4th of July!!!!

Family, BBQ, Games, and lots of love...

Well I can say I enjoyed my 4th of July it was nice and calm I hung out with my family, Laughed and ate and just enjoyed the simple things in life.. I didn't think my kids would have fire-a-works to self light I planned on driving and watching the fire-a-works show at the Red Rock Station... But Luckily my Aunt Kathy and My sons' dad brought some fire a works..


I had to do a meet up with MY sons' dad so he can give me the fire-a-works that he purchased for my son.. and I'm waiting in the car for my sons' dad to get to the "meet up spot" and I'm looking around and my son and I wasn't the only one waiting and or exchange fire-a-works... Its crazy I never wanted to be a "single" parent or having to deal with a "absent" parent.. Growing up in a home with my mom and dad and three sibling... and we all came from the same mom and dad.. You just feel like this is the way life should be.. BUT human error, grow up and do the unthinkable... LOL at myself...  Anyways..

I was expecting my hubby and my cousin Jarel to light the fire-a-works, like the pass few years, but my hubby was called to work and I was informed that my cousin "graduate" My oldest to be able to light fire-a-works this year!!! o_O... Watching my 10 year light the fireworks was a bit uneasy but after a while I calmed down and let him go..


Lil ol' me



Sitting there watch my kids laugh and play with each other still Wows me that for step-brothers they are so alike and get along so good!! Its was a great day...




Myles and I




Machari




My Oldest





The kids




My babies


Until I write again, Until you read again,
Kisses and Misses

Sent from above...

Me and the kids

Its Friday!!!! What a wonderful day this Friday turned out to be.. My nephew Rodney Jr. asked me a few days ago if he could come over and spend some time with me and I was OVER joyed and excited.. I haven't seen my nephew in about 4 years..

So today was the day and I was a bit nervous, I came down with a case of the what ifs... What if he changes his mind.. What if he doesn't like me... What if he doesn't get along with my boys? Thoses dang what ifs.. but I calmed myself down pull it together and travel the distance to pick him up..



I was let in the house by a man.. I waited nervously for him to come from the back and when he walked out my heart dropped to my stomach he looked like a younger brighter version of my father/brother.. and he walked right up to me and gave me the BIGGEST TIGHTEST hug.. and my mind and heart was instantly at ease...

Started the journey to get back home and in the backseat the kids were all talking and playing as if they hang out all the time not missing a beat... it was so cute!! But my kids get along good with people and the fact that his their 'big cousin" made it that much easier..
I'm enjoying myself and my time with my boys and nephew watching them play games and be silly..


dead stare!!

  I've been missing my daddy so much and to see him in one of our kids is just so wonderful!!! So I can only say my NEPHEW was heaven sent!!!



Silliness



Until I write again, Until you read again,

Kisses and Misses